If only there was a rewind button...

How many times have you wished that? Pulled an absolute clanger and been desperate to drag those loaded words back into your mouth or erase a memory of something you stupidly did? Once or twice I’d imagine!

Hindsight is a beautiful thing when it comes to dating and not always one we refer back to as much as we should in the future. I’ve often thought when things have gone wrong with a partner “I’ll remember this for next time” but nine times out of ten I forget or worse still repeat the pattern anyway thinking it might be different.

I’ve grown up being brutally honest, if someone asks me a question I may try to skirt around it if it’s really personal but I’m more than likely to blurt out the truth, especially after a few glasses of red. So who’s fault is it if my new date asks how many people I’ve slept with and then proceeds to get the hump on? Or asks if my friend has ever been more than a friend and I reply “yes but we’re just mates now” but this isn’t enough so whenever said friend is mentioned I get the daggers darting into my head? Is it my fault for being honest? Or his fault for asking me in the first place?

The question of honesty in a new relationship is a tricky one, you don’t want to lie to them but also should you be careful about how truthful you are? Selecting which pieces of your life you lay out for them is littered with hurdles but probably the safest method is to start as if nothing has come before them. Of course, unless you’ve saved yourself for marriage, each of you know you’ve been with people before but they don’t need to know any details.

Ladies; if you ask your new partner about his ex make sure you can handle what he might say, especially if he tells you they are still friends. No matter who you are and how much you might be falling in love with him, you know for sure that green eyed monster is bound to pop up sometime if you know all the nitty and the gritty.

I’ve been guilty of naivety on many occasions, when it comes to my ex’s all bar one I couldn’t give two hoots about. When I say that I don’t mean I want harm to come of them, well maybe one or two, but if I saw them on a night out there would be zero heart fluttering going on and the one I do still care about is only because it was a bit of an epic relationship and I want to see him happy; with someone else I might add. There’s been flings with friends too, all of which I’m still friends with, but nothing would ever happen with them again but I think sometimes when I end up (accidently) divulging this information to anyone they don’t view it as I do.... and I don’t realise it.

What my key point here is; don’t forget that some things that you see as plain and simple others see as a whole world of complications. So it’s up to you to either explain otherwise or keep your trap shut. Or, like me, swim in the sea of “me and my big mouth”.

Let’s say you’ve stuck you foot firmly into your gullet, the words have left your mouth, their face drops, you realise what you’ve just said and you either scramble for words to override that thought that’s now spinning at 100 mph around their head or fall into an extremely awkward silence, what’s the game plan? Probably the most tried and tested “fix it” method is groveling but it’s hit and miss, especially if you haven’t been dating long and you’re yet to wow them with your sparkling personality. Always remember one wrong thing cancels out at least five good things, so you’ll need to do a whopping ten amazing things to pull it back from the brink.

I tend to go for the “pretend it never happened” method and let me tell you, it’s rarely successful but I’m often too much of a wimp to ask them if I annoyed them because this means having to bring up the thing I did / said again, a mind field if by some stroke of luck they have forgotten about it. Bringing it up also means having the think on your toes if they start interrogating you on what it meant. Luckily for me I’m dealing with men and as we’re all know most of the time the males are the least likely to want to trawl over something. Women, some of them anyway, feel it necessary to intricately scrutinise each stage of whatever drama is unfolding.

So which is the best method? The scariest probably; being open and honest. If your partner has pissed you off, tell them, but do it in a way that isn’t going to cause WW3 or launch a bazooka at their feelings. We’re all guilty of reply “nothing” when asked what’s wrong and occasionally I’ll admit it’s easier for all concerned to ignore and move on but sometimes letting something smolder under the surface is only a short time from an almighty “KABOOM”

There’s actually a term for this method, it’s called “charging neutral” which means to approach a sensitive and important subject in a calm manner, keeping your volume levels soft as well as your body language, the words you use are in a non confrontational manner and at all times keeping a lid on your temper but most vitally, not ignoring them.

Women, myself included, can find men inordinately frustrating when things hit a tricky spot. All my experiences have been that they do everything within their powers to avoid ever mentioning anything. This is absolutely fine with me if that’s how they want to play it but not if this then means I’m just given the cold shoulder or forced to stare at a descended bottom lip for weeks.

If like me you have relationship tourrettes then you will need to take stock of how you feel comfortable dealing with your mess ups. The most important thing to address is; are they worth it? If they are and they think you are, it shouldn’t be a problem unless you blurt out they are the ugliest person you’ve ever laid eyes on and they are a wet lettuce in bed, but let’s face it, if that’s true, walk away now.

I do live in hope “when” I find the person that I’m going to be with for the rest of my life I’ll stop wishing for a rewind button but reality and experience probably proves me otherwise. So for now I’m winging it. If I decide the person is worthy of my groveling, I’ll grovel and bake a hell of a lot of cakes.