To give and to receive.

Now before you get all kinky I don’t mean THAT giving and receiving! Deary me, dirt you lot! I mean giving and receiving advice. Knowing when to ask for it and also knowing when not to give it.

I’ve had countless discussions with my 20 something and 30 something friends about moves we make, the people we’ve chosen to spend time with and more often nowadays (when I’m sure this shouldn’t be the case) our utterly increasing clueless status on what the hell we’re playing at!

More recently I have found myself in the barren world of the idealess. I am a creative person, I’m full of ideas, literally brimming with plans, concepts and suggestions, but not too many weeks ago I found myself handing over my mobile phone to a friend to reply to a chap on my behalf as I was absolutely inept of writing something myself... I’m a writer for crying out loud!

To my younger readers I’m afraid I’m going to have to break some earth shattering news to you; this does not get easier the older you get, it becomes harder. Mainly due the fact we have realised our mistakes, yes this sounds strange but stay with me.

The more mishaps you make in your dating life make you more wary of the things you consequently do in the future, therefore instead of wildly jumping in and being utterly fearless you begin to second guess your gut instinct and look upon friends to guide you. Then as time goes on your friends checkered past begins to pull the reins on their ability to dish out the advice and you will now often hear the words “I really have no idea hun”.

Things become far more messy the older you get, kids come into it, scars from past heartbreaks, emotional issues, the whole debacle turns into a fricking minefield! Then when you momentarily think “F it, I’m just going to go for it” you instantly regret something you said / sent / done.

I’m sure when “the one” comes along this will all vanish, so please don’t go reaching for the valium just yet, but in the mean time be prepared to grow a much thicker skin and buy some germaline for the many cuts and bruises your feelings will attain.

One positive I will throw into the pot here is the inner strength you’ll gain as you go, I have turned into a master when it comes to best foot forward and as mentioned in a previous blog the “NEXT” method. What I am attempting, and probably very badly, to explain here is that if we accept our failings for what they are we can begin to understand what our next moves should be and in turn regain our ability to hand out advice and to receive it.

I must also mention here knowing when to keep your mouth shut, which is a massive issue with me. I’m all for saying it like it is to my friends and this can sometimes land me in some seriously hot water. If I see a guy / girl treating my pal like a fool, I’m either going to thump my friend / the guilty party or go for a no holds barred verbal onslaught. Of course there is a time when people need to hear the bitter truth but they also need to make the mistakes all by themselves, yes it is hard to stand by and watch someone fall into the pitfalls that love and emotions bring but knowing when to step in and when to back off is key. This comes only with experience and awareness of how your friend will take you calling them an idiot.

In turn we must learn to be able to take it from our friends. I am extremely lucky to have people around me that aren’t afraid to let me know when I’m being a plonker, sometimes I listen to them, sometimes I don’t and I usually go on to wish I had.

What we really need to do is remember that we aren’t alone in the dramas that unfold before us and we need to regroup and share what we’ve experienced. Two heads are better than one, ten heads are better than two. So (without sounding cheesy) don’t bottle up your fears and weaknesses, try your best to tell your mates what is going on and work through it together. Always remember though, when handing out advice that’s as sharp as a Swiss Army blade you must be prepared to take it via the jugular.