To sow or not to sow, that is the question...

You know who I’m sometimes jealous of? People who fall in love and marry their childhood sweethearts. They don’t have to go through years of hellish dating disasters, kiss hundreds of frogs and see their faith in the opposite sex slowly dwindle.

They do however have to sleep with the same person for the rest of their lives and what if it was the only person they’d ever slept with? The thought alone makes me screw my face up.

If I had stayed with the person I’d lost my virginity with I’d be having a hell of a lot of boring, over within the blink of an eye, sex. Granted this lad could go again as soon as he’d finished but is that still impressive when the actual act only lasts about 2.37 minutes? (yes I actually thought to time in once, thats how “into it” I was). He has come to be known as the “pump, pump, squirt” phase of my life.

If I’d stayed with the second person I’d slept with we’d be humping like rabbits, literally. POW POW POW. He was the type of guy that thought he was really adventurous and kinky but sadly he was mistaken and even at this stage in my experience I knew he was shit. Foreplay to him was “shall we shag now or after dinner?” How romantic.

The third guy I ever slept with had the biggest schlong I have ever, even to this day, seen. I mean this member was intimidating! I remember this thought passing through my mind; “That could well be capable of splitting me in two”. Although he was the first ever guy I’d been with that was tender, caring and thoughtful of my needs so I did get over my initial shock at the size issue but certain positions were definitely out of the question otherwise I may have choked or suffered some severe kidney bruising.

Then I moved onto the fourth and first serious relationship of my younger years. This was much more than just sex, I experienced what it was like to sleep with someone who you really did love and not just lust after and I can safely say this is the point where I really began enjoying making love to someone. I think when you reach the point in your sexual life where you begin to understand what it’s really all about and it’s not just a way to release your hormonal urges it turns into something much more fulfilling yet also something much more complicated.

As a woman this point is where you figure out what you’re into, where your limits are and how to truly please your man. Before this point you tend to feel like your winging it and keeping the last issue of your favourite women’s magazine with a “how to” guide page left open to check at points throughout the act.

After the first time you start to feel like your more in control the world becomes a different place, for me it did anyway. I was not going to settle for any pump, pump, squirts and knew for a fact that there was some brilliant, head rushing love making to be had in my future.

Yes there’s been more disasters along the way but there’s been plenty of screamingly amazing chapters too. Unfortunately not all men’s sexual prowess matures alongside their age, I’ve slept with men that are well into their 30s who have been shockingly clueless but thankfully there are those that have clearly been taking notes and revising as they go.

My point is this; although many of us find the grind of searching out our match to be tedious at times, look back and be grateful for what you have learnt from all these adventures and keep in mind that when that special someone does find you you’re going to be able to realise that the chemistry blows all of their competitors clean out of the water.
Don’t settle on your first, second or even third because you’re concerned that might be as good as it going to get. Take it from me, the journey is all part of the fun and you’ll get some cracking laughs out of it! That “pump, pump, squirt” guy has given me 11 years of hilarious flash backs!