“The English simply cannot talk about sex without making a joke of it” - Kate Fox.

As part of my research for a client I am working for I am looking into the English culture and how we conduct ourselves on a daily basis. Although this article for them will not include our outlook on sex and dating my research has stumbled on people documenting our behaviour and it has certainly raised a few questions for me.

Kate Fox, who’s written in length about how the English react to certain social situations, basically believes that we are unable to talk about sex in a serious or straight forward manner but prefer to make “Carry-On” style jokes and quips about it to deflect our embarrassment. In some respects I agree with her, I’ve been guilty of spinning one liners about my sex life (see all previous blogs) in an attempt to deal with its consequences but I don’t believe every Englishmen is incapable of knowing what they want from their sex life and knowing how to get it.

English men have gained an unenviable reputation for being awful flirts, the term socially inept has been used to describe them by our international counterparts in the past. Our chat up lines are probably the worst around the world and we are often unable to talk to strangers in unfamiliar situations unlike the Americans for example. We are taught to be wary of people we don’t know, if you walked up to someone in a train station for example and attempted to strike up a conversation you would almost certainly be shot down with a look that could kill.

I spent three months in Florida not that long ago, for the majority of the time I was quite content toddling off exploring on my own but to begin with found it extremely unsettling at how many people were quite happy to chat away to me even though they’d never seen me before. Two months in and I began to let my guard down and return the initiation but certainly to start with I only reciprocated the conversation as I was on their turf and worried I might appear ignorant.

It is such an alien custom to the English to talk to strangers so how we have ever managed to keep our population going for so long is almost a mystery! My interaction with the American men was totally different to how English men approach me. I think in the 3 months I spent in Florida I got chatted up in bars etc more times than I have in a whole year in the UK. We have much stricter barriers when it comes to the do’s and don’ts of approaching the opposite sex, we dance around the issue quite awkwardly before any kind of direct contact is made. Thank god the internet came along when it did.

What would we do if flirting on the internet or via text messages wasn’t an option? Doesn’t really bare thinking about now we have it. I am a self confessed flirt, I am quite skilled when it comes to innuendos and eye fluttering, probably to the point where it has become to be an addiction but I know plenty of people both male and female that find it extremely difficult to put themselves out there. Is this because of our culture then? To be born in England makes us naturally designed to be totally crap at showing we are interested in the hot piece of ass holding the bar up?

Something else Kate Fox mentions in her book is what she called the “SAS test” which stands for “Sociability, Alcohol and Shared Interest” She certainly has a point about the need for alcohol when it comes to flirting. What she means by this is that you need each element for an English person to be successful at bagging a potential mate. So if you are in a bar for example you have the social aspect and the booze but you might not have the shared interest... they could be train spotters but you on the other hand could be a stamp collector. There’s no way of telling when you’re in your local pub. Transfer this into a club however each person is in there because they enjoy that type of music so you have an instant connection but another thing she rightly points out is the ‘too cool for school’ element that factors in when you’re in a nightclub, exceptionally so when it’s a specialist nightclub (not your cheesy pop 1’s and 2’s)

I know from first hand experience that certain types of people that are fully immersed into their favourite music can be pretentious to say the least. I’ve been part of that fraternity. My friends and I went regularly to a club to experience the music together, we certainly never went to “pull” and if anything it was frowned upon to be seen kissing or even flirting with someone whilst on the dance floor. You were there to listen and boogie, not to get your leg over.

I won’t warble on about all the other examples given but if you fancy reading more go and check it out at your library - ‘Watching the English’ by Kate Fox.

What I found most striking at the things I’ve read over the last few days is that if you were an outsider looking in the English would appear to see flirting / dating as an after thought and not a priority as other cultures might. Of course this isn’t the case but because we are instinctively an awkward race we prefer to outwardly focus on our hobbies, interests and friends for example rather than appear to be actively searching for a partner.

It begs the question why? Why is it seen as a taboo subject to be on the look out and trying to discover the person for you? Why do we see it as almost shameful?

Questions I am yet to discover the answers too... back to the drawing board for me.