Mentioning “pump, pump, squirt” in my last blog jogged memories of other cringe worthy or slightly shocking incidents that have entered themselves in the index of my colourful life. A lot of these stories have given my friends many hysterical laughing fits so I thought I’d share the love and give all of you a giggle too.
One of the all time funniest and also scary episodes of my story is when I was dating a chap from Leeds that I’d met through mutual friends. We’d been together for about a month and it was going really well, we’d have some fantastic dates, spent hours on the phone talking and had so much in common that I really thought I was onto a bit of a winner.
The weekend arrived that we’d planned I was going to stay at his for the first time, he’d cooked me a fabulous meal, we’d spent the evening chatting and getting cosy in his local bar then as time progressed it was clear that the chocolate brownies he’d made weren’t the only thing we’d be having for dessert.
We retired to his room and began getting down to business. It was nice, pretty standard if I’m going to be brutally honest but sometimes the first night with a guy isn’t all fireworks and you have to give it a while to get to know each other so this wasn’t a negative point in my mind until we snuggled up and drifted off to sleep.
Now unlike some ladies I don’t enjoy having someone’s body wrapped around me all night, an arm over me to begin with is acceptable, suffocating me for a whole eight hours is not what adds up to a great night’s sleep for me so I gave it a little time for him to fall into a deep enough slumber for me to carefully untangle myself and break free.
I had noticed he’d begun to grind his teeth and make some particularly odd noises as he obviously began dreaming which I found highly amusing but it also made me want to roll away even more. My foot was under his at this point, I was lying on my back and he was on his side with his arm over me. I gently removed his arm and went to slide my foot away from his so I could turn over.
To my horror this movement made him jump upright in bed and shout “MOVE YOUR FUCKING FOOT BACK, MOVE IT BACK NOW!”
“You what?!” I gasped. No reply.
I looked over in utter bemusement and noticed he was still asleep and carried on making some massively loud and strange mumbling noises, at this point I can safely say I thought I was laying next to a sleep talking axe murderer.
So I move my foot back and remain rigidly still for at least another hour as I frantically thought about what to do next. I couldn’t lay there until he wakes or risk him doing that or more! Then the arm comes back over, this time much nearer to my neck than I’m comfortable with, is it this point where he begins to squeeze the life out of me?
I managed to reach my phone and send an emergency “get me out of here” text message to my friend who was also spending the night in Leeds and I’d given a lift to. She rang with some fake crisis that woke him up and I made my excuses, got dressed quicker than I had ever before and ran out the door with only one shoe on.
I was back home before the sun had risen and thanked my lucky stars I’d not been a story line for the 9 o’clock news.
It goes without saying I didn’t ever see him again.
Showing posts with label the end. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the end. Show all posts
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Knowing when enough is enough...
I have always been brought up to try, try and try again until I get something right. In my career this of course is valuable advice but in my dating life it can sometimes become chokingly toxic.
When you’re fully submersed into a situation it can be so hard to see the wood for the trees and when you’ve invested time, emotions and your hopes into a relationship and into another person it can be almost impossible to know when to back off.
Luckily I can report this becomes easier, well not easier but more apparent, as you grow older. Many of my friends are also guilty of hanging on to the vain belief that things will improve and to the detriment of their own sanity.
So how do we know that we’re not getting everything we deserve? Of course relationships are hard work, you need to deal with compromises, we have to take stock of the others failings and figure out if we are able to accept them and work around them but when do we draw the line before we can no longer be true to ourselves?
When you’re in the new flush of a relationship and realise that you aren’t a good fit it can be all too easy to back off and walk away but what happens when you’re 6 months or 6 years in and the cracks have become craters that can no longer be patched up? If you’re still “young” in society’s (and the biological clock’s) eyes then it’s not the end of the world to jack it in and start again, it’s not quite so simple when you’re approaching the age when we’re are programmed to need to be in a partnership.
As my dating life has been littered with the wrong choices I’ve had to often face up to the reality that things aren’t giving me everything I should be entitled to but this has always been a thing that I’ve found tricky to notice. Maybe this is due to my own self doubts, what I believe I am deserving of and I’ve had to train myself not to settle for being treated as an after thought. Not a simple task by any means...
When you’ve had dating disasters and partners have made you feel less of a person by the end of it and taken you for everything you can possibly give, the shadow that is left afterwards can eclipse who you really can be. This is when a severe kick up the arse is required. You will need to call on your friends to boost your confidence in yourself and your decisions. You need to resist that nagging self doubt that you brought this on, that you asked for this to happen, because you didn’t.
A relationship ends, you are left feeling deflated and down trodden and it can take weeks, months or even years to be able to fully give yourself to someone again and by middle age you know these facts all too well. So does this mean that we can hang on to that toxic and flawed partnership just so we don’t have to face the truth? Yes, this is exactly why so many of us stay in something we know is bringing us out in metaphorical hives.
It does take great strength to utter the words “I’m done” but believe me once you manage to let that phrase leave your mouth the feeling of relief is enough to set you on the road to recovery. Like an epiphany you’ve been waiting for, clarity will come.
There are masses of factors that will determine how long it will take you to realise this person isn’t for you, that you’re not getting everything you deserve and that you need to draw a line under it. For stronger characters it can only take one or two warning signs, for those of us that want to believe things can be worked at to fix them it might take considerably longer but whatever type of person you are ignore that desire to be true to your relationship and for once be honest with yourself. You are amazing, there is someone out there that will also know you’re amazing and not make you feel like shit. You absolutely must continue to believe this.
Looking within yourself and stripping apart your feelings by giving yourself an emotional autopsy is painful, don’t get me wrong. With this pain comes strength and we must all remember, even those in happy and contented relationships, that when all is said and done, we only have ourselves to stand by.
When you’re fully submersed into a situation it can be so hard to see the wood for the trees and when you’ve invested time, emotions and your hopes into a relationship and into another person it can be almost impossible to know when to back off.
Luckily I can report this becomes easier, well not easier but more apparent, as you grow older. Many of my friends are also guilty of hanging on to the vain belief that things will improve and to the detriment of their own sanity.
So how do we know that we’re not getting everything we deserve? Of course relationships are hard work, you need to deal with compromises, we have to take stock of the others failings and figure out if we are able to accept them and work around them but when do we draw the line before we can no longer be true to ourselves?
When you’re in the new flush of a relationship and realise that you aren’t a good fit it can be all too easy to back off and walk away but what happens when you’re 6 months or 6 years in and the cracks have become craters that can no longer be patched up? If you’re still “young” in society’s (and the biological clock’s) eyes then it’s not the end of the world to jack it in and start again, it’s not quite so simple when you’re approaching the age when we’re are programmed to need to be in a partnership.
As my dating life has been littered with the wrong choices I’ve had to often face up to the reality that things aren’t giving me everything I should be entitled to but this has always been a thing that I’ve found tricky to notice. Maybe this is due to my own self doubts, what I believe I am deserving of and I’ve had to train myself not to settle for being treated as an after thought. Not a simple task by any means...
When you’ve had dating disasters and partners have made you feel less of a person by the end of it and taken you for everything you can possibly give, the shadow that is left afterwards can eclipse who you really can be. This is when a severe kick up the arse is required. You will need to call on your friends to boost your confidence in yourself and your decisions. You need to resist that nagging self doubt that you brought this on, that you asked for this to happen, because you didn’t.
A relationship ends, you are left feeling deflated and down trodden and it can take weeks, months or even years to be able to fully give yourself to someone again and by middle age you know these facts all too well. So does this mean that we can hang on to that toxic and flawed partnership just so we don’t have to face the truth? Yes, this is exactly why so many of us stay in something we know is bringing us out in metaphorical hives.
It does take great strength to utter the words “I’m done” but believe me once you manage to let that phrase leave your mouth the feeling of relief is enough to set you on the road to recovery. Like an epiphany you’ve been waiting for, clarity will come.
There are masses of factors that will determine how long it will take you to realise this person isn’t for you, that you’re not getting everything you deserve and that you need to draw a line under it. For stronger characters it can only take one or two warning signs, for those of us that want to believe things can be worked at to fix them it might take considerably longer but whatever type of person you are ignore that desire to be true to your relationship and for once be honest with yourself. You are amazing, there is someone out there that will also know you’re amazing and not make you feel like shit. You absolutely must continue to believe this.
Looking within yourself and stripping apart your feelings by giving yourself an emotional autopsy is painful, don’t get me wrong. With this pain comes strength and we must all remember, even those in happy and contented relationships, that when all is said and done, we only have ourselves to stand by.
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