Once again I’ve been as slack as a pair granny pants with busted elastic, I apologise that I’ve not written for a while, I’ve been a little busy.
Drama unfolded with my ex yet again and I was given a full on talking to by several friends, my mother, received several wrist slaps (bruises to prove it) and I’m pretty sure my cat was giving me some very disapproving looks too. I made some (more) mistakes but I’m glad to report I’ve accepted that fact and put myself onto the road of recovery (for the umpteenth time I know).
I have done this in several dimensions;
1. Repeated to myself how pathetic he is, embellished the pathetic status in my mind and let it grow like Japanese knot weed.
2. Convinced myself he’s slept with girls that are riddled with diseases and now has knob rot.
3. Reminded myself daily what a loser I turn into if I let him in and remember I don’t suit a dunces hat.
4. Think; would I truly want to spend the rest of my life with an emotional retard? Um, no.
5. Found someone else.
Point five was a key one but I’ll come back to that.
If you’ve read my previous blogs you would know that I very stupidly started something again with an ex who is basically like arsenic to me but I have trouble realising it. I got girly and air headed about it, hopeful and let all my sense and reason drain from my being or in other words thought of my lustful urges rather than my mental stability.
He bobbed off traveling for a month and just before he went I let my guard down, granted it was enjoyable until I felt like a used jizz rag thrown to one side after he’d got his fill before jumping on a plane. In hindsight, this was a gift because sweet lord above I cursed him for the first time in ages.
I’ll admit I don’t hate him, neither think that much less of him but I have finally seen him as being a user (albeit a clueless one). "Hallelujah!" my friends cry.
Point two I have my over active imagination to thank for. I see one picture of him with a girl in the vague vicinity that looked a bit grim and I’ve worked out a whole scenario that he’s now riddled with every unpronounceable, puss filled, knob rotting disease there is. It’s worked wonders! My loins are no longer wanting anything to do with his.
When it comes to point 3 I don’t just have myself to rely on for this, I have my wonderful and caring friends (mainly one Geordie lass) who’s more than happy to tell me what a useless waste of space it turns me into and how my IQ drops to around 2 if I even entertain the idea. Maybe I also need to write lines on a blackboard “I will not fuck him ever again as each time I do I lose a brain cell and will be a vegetable by the time I’m 35”
I don’t think I really need to elaborate on point 4 do I?
Moving on to point 5...
Well, I don’t actually want to reveal much yet ha! He is lovely, funny, intelligent, grounded, not an emotional retard, attentive, confident, hot, sexy, fit, hello! and tall, great kisser, makes me giggle like a teenage girl and I’ve not even slept with him yet... (Give me another 48 hours and that will develop), he’s been in contact every day for at least 3 weeks and it’s not an effort!
I’m trying to not count my chickens as there’s still time for him to turn out to be a wally but I have (almost) everything crossed that he remains on this level and doesn’t suddenly take a nose dive into dickdom!
Wish me luck!!
Showing posts with label fate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fate. Show all posts
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Yearning for someone to share your chocolate with over Easter break? DON’T join a free dating site.
Firstly, as if you’d want to share your chocolate with anyone but you get what I mean! Bank holidays are a little easier than the festive holidays as these are the ones we’re just meant to get so pissed we can’t remember them right? Well, that used to be the case anyway.
On to the subject in hand anyway; free dating sites. In previous blogs I’ve warbled on about the lack of quality eye candy available on these sites but hadn’t yet been brave enough to sign up to one and speak to any of these lovely people. In agreement with a male friend of mine, we both signed up, created our profiles and approving each others, set about our task of finding someone who would be at least some of the following;
1. Relatively attractive.
2. Able to use the English language properly.
3. Not awaiting a court appearance.
4. All of their marbles present.
5. Someone we might want to meet in real life.
Not a particularly difficult challenge we thought. Seeing as there were 100s of people signed up we thought the odds would be steeped in our favour. Oh how wrong we could be.
Here’s some stats for you.
I have been signed up for just over one week. In that space of time I have had 237 men contact me (I am not trying to be big headed here) and out of those 237 I have almost had to force myself to reply to 4 in the name of research.
FOUR.
Out of TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN.
That is 1.69% of men out there that are even worth replying to.
Shall I stop bothering to shave my legs now then yeah?
My male counterpart has had about as much luck. He has received the awesome sum of ZERO. That’s nothing, not even a bite. He’s a good looking lad, he’s funny, dresses well, sociable and can even spell. If he’d message me I would have proposed marriage after the barrage of utter ludicrous non sense from his predecessors.
Neither of us were being extremely picky, it was an experiment after all, we weren’t looking for our life long partners (although that would have been a decent result) but we’d signed up to prove a point that the world is changing and we are all courting online. Massive failure.
The four chaps I’ve been chatting with have been interesting, although four has now become two after one asked me to join him for a threesome about ten messages in and the other asked me if I took it up the arse. Not quite pre-first-date chit chat if you ask me.
Out of the remaining two, one of them turned out to know people I did and I’m still unconvinced if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He was on my wave length, good looking but unfortunately still into necking a load of pharmaceutical products and not sleeping for days, so I doubt he’d be wanting to join me on a jaunt to the garden centre at the weekend. Shame though because he was almost funny.
The other chap is really good at banter, even managing to deal with my brutally sarcastic nature. He’s educated, doesn’t use text speak and even has a MacBook (don’t think I could date a PC user ha!) He manages to keep the conversation flowing and has things to say that don’t have me recoiling into the fetal position in sheer horror .
One thing though, he did give me his phone number and asked me to text him after only a day of messaging. This seemed extremely eager to me or am I being a prude? I’ve not text him I’d like to add, I’m not even completely persuaded I want to see him yet. What happens if he’s a human version of Shrek? There’s only one picture of him on this site, is that suspicious?
Back to the plight of my male compadre. From the amount of messages I’ve received and I’m not blonde, big boobed or look like a porn star (on a good day) I’m guessing the girls that do have these attributes are getting well in excess of 300 messages a week. How is it possible for the good guys to stand out from the rest of the muppets?
We are still in the process of working this out, tinkering with his opening lines, adapting his profile and revisiting which pictures to upload. Determined to crack this we’ve so far reached these conclusions;
1. You need a better opening line than “hi, how are you?” or worse still “hi ow R u?”
2. You need to show you’ve taken a second to actually read their profile rather than just stare at their tits (even if you have).
3. Your pictures need to be clear, you need to look buff and you can’t look cheesy.
4. Comedy works on some, on others it goes over their head. Again check profile for hints of their IQ.
5. Persistence it seems is the key. The site we’ve been on states that only 1 in 3 messages are read let alone replied to. It’s tough out there!!
This challenge continues and I’ll keep you updated with its progress and you never know we both might find someone who’s not a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
Failing that, we’ll go back to the good old real way of dating.
One woman, one man on an unconvinced journey through internet dating.
Oh crikey I almost forgot a highlight for me. I received a message from a 26 year old woman, attractive woman at that, in Walsall telling me she thought I was pretty. Thank you very much I said to her and repaid the compliment tentatively.
You can probably guess what’s coming next; I try to be polite, general chit chat then she brings up threesomes... here we go. So firstly “Am I into girls?” I reply that they aren’t really my thing, I’d dabbled as most ladies have but I’d prefer to stick to the meat and two veg. She doesn’t give up though, moves onto the tactic of trying to trip me into a dirty conversation that would make me so horny I’d turn kitty licker in an instant.
I’ve got to admit I was finding it flipping hilarious and probably wound her up a bit. That flew back in my face when she went into detail about a spit roast shit fest she’d had at the weekend. MY EYES!
Moral of the story there, don’t reply, quickly move to the block button and remain happily naive about the crazy ass bitches that divulge way too much information to strangers.
It’s going to put me off roast pork for months.
On to the subject in hand anyway; free dating sites. In previous blogs I’ve warbled on about the lack of quality eye candy available on these sites but hadn’t yet been brave enough to sign up to one and speak to any of these lovely people. In agreement with a male friend of mine, we both signed up, created our profiles and approving each others, set about our task of finding someone who would be at least some of the following;
1. Relatively attractive.
2. Able to use the English language properly.
3. Not awaiting a court appearance.
4. All of their marbles present.
5. Someone we might want to meet in real life.
Not a particularly difficult challenge we thought. Seeing as there were 100s of people signed up we thought the odds would be steeped in our favour. Oh how wrong we could be.
Here’s some stats for you.
I have been signed up for just over one week. In that space of time I have had 237 men contact me (I am not trying to be big headed here) and out of those 237 I have almost had to force myself to reply to 4 in the name of research.
FOUR.
Out of TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN.
That is 1.69% of men out there that are even worth replying to.
Shall I stop bothering to shave my legs now then yeah?
My male counterpart has had about as much luck. He has received the awesome sum of ZERO. That’s nothing, not even a bite. He’s a good looking lad, he’s funny, dresses well, sociable and can even spell. If he’d message me I would have proposed marriage after the barrage of utter ludicrous non sense from his predecessors.
Neither of us were being extremely picky, it was an experiment after all, we weren’t looking for our life long partners (although that would have been a decent result) but we’d signed up to prove a point that the world is changing and we are all courting online. Massive failure.
The four chaps I’ve been chatting with have been interesting, although four has now become two after one asked me to join him for a threesome about ten messages in and the other asked me if I took it up the arse. Not quite pre-first-date chit chat if you ask me.
Out of the remaining two, one of them turned out to know people I did and I’m still unconvinced if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He was on my wave length, good looking but unfortunately still into necking a load of pharmaceutical products and not sleeping for days, so I doubt he’d be wanting to join me on a jaunt to the garden centre at the weekend. Shame though because he was almost funny.
The other chap is really good at banter, even managing to deal with my brutally sarcastic nature. He’s educated, doesn’t use text speak and even has a MacBook (don’t think I could date a PC user ha!) He manages to keep the conversation flowing and has things to say that don’t have me recoiling into the fetal position in sheer horror .
One thing though, he did give me his phone number and asked me to text him after only a day of messaging. This seemed extremely eager to me or am I being a prude? I’ve not text him I’d like to add, I’m not even completely persuaded I want to see him yet. What happens if he’s a human version of Shrek? There’s only one picture of him on this site, is that suspicious?
Back to the plight of my male compadre. From the amount of messages I’ve received and I’m not blonde, big boobed or look like a porn star (on a good day) I’m guessing the girls that do have these attributes are getting well in excess of 300 messages a week. How is it possible for the good guys to stand out from the rest of the muppets?
We are still in the process of working this out, tinkering with his opening lines, adapting his profile and revisiting which pictures to upload. Determined to crack this we’ve so far reached these conclusions;
1. You need a better opening line than “hi, how are you?” or worse still “hi ow R u?”
2. You need to show you’ve taken a second to actually read their profile rather than just stare at their tits (even if you have).
3. Your pictures need to be clear, you need to look buff and you can’t look cheesy.
4. Comedy works on some, on others it goes over their head. Again check profile for hints of their IQ.
5. Persistence it seems is the key. The site we’ve been on states that only 1 in 3 messages are read let alone replied to. It’s tough out there!!
This challenge continues and I’ll keep you updated with its progress and you never know we both might find someone who’s not a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.
Failing that, we’ll go back to the good old real way of dating.
One woman, one man on an unconvinced journey through internet dating.
Oh crikey I almost forgot a highlight for me. I received a message from a 26 year old woman, attractive woman at that, in Walsall telling me she thought I was pretty. Thank you very much I said to her and repaid the compliment tentatively.
You can probably guess what’s coming next; I try to be polite, general chit chat then she brings up threesomes... here we go. So firstly “Am I into girls?” I reply that they aren’t really my thing, I’d dabbled as most ladies have but I’d prefer to stick to the meat and two veg. She doesn’t give up though, moves onto the tactic of trying to trip me into a dirty conversation that would make me so horny I’d turn kitty licker in an instant.
I’ve got to admit I was finding it flipping hilarious and probably wound her up a bit. That flew back in my face when she went into detail about a spit roast shit fest she’d had at the weekend. MY EYES!
Moral of the story there, don’t reply, quickly move to the block button and remain happily naive about the crazy ass bitches that divulge way too much information to strangers.
It’s going to put me off roast pork for months.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
NEXT!
So it’s all gone a bit arse up, your love interest has turned out to be another toad or maybe your facing the unenviable situation of unrequited love, for whatever the reason you have been plunged into the dark hole of “what now?”
It is all too easy to stew over situations like this and depending on your personality, and often sex, you will no doubt go in two different directions; 1 - Feel an urge to trawl through every up and down of the last few weeks/months or 2 - Get really pissed, flirt with someone else and move directly past GO, collect £200 and wang it on something completely inappropriate. I am an utter and fully fledged fan of option two.
In years gone by when I was younger, stupid and self deprecating I’d spend ages wondering what went wrong, the “why me? what’s wrong with me?” questions would fire through my brain cells and torment me, usually when I was trying to sleep, until I became utterly insane. Then one day, after a particularly sticky break up with an ex, I stamped my foot, thought “*&^% this” and went out. The night consisted of vodka, cosmopolitans, my mates, loads of laughs and a particularly hot guy I knew. I can safely say this equation totted up to be the best remedy I could hope for!
Of course not everyone has the nonchalant attitude I have spent years perfecting so I am not telling you to dramatically change your ways, what I am saying is to try to put your best foot forward and get on with living your life.
Driving yourself potty with questions such as “why aren’t they texting me?”, “why did they say that?”, “what did I do wrong?” “am I not attractive enough?” STTTOOPPPP!!! Don’t do it to yourself! You will probably never know the truth as to why it hasn’t worked out with someone so there is zero point torturing yourself for hours with questions you just can’t get answers to!
Back to what I do; firstly I begin with “their loss”, this is a great thing to say to yourself. You know you’re great, say it. You’ve got a great arse/legs/eyes/personality, whatever you love about you, say it to yourself. Then begin with the points you didn’t like about them, the reasons you actually know why you weren’t a great match, repeat to yourself several times. Do not pontificate about the things they were amazing at, it is completely useless and often we have a habit after a break up of longing for someone and turning them into someone they never were, a martyr and ourselves into a lowly non-worthy trog.
The next step is to enjoy life. Organise nights out with your friends, get in touch with that person you know has a soft spot for you, pamper yourself, have a laugh and most importantly do not look back! Your new love interest is only a short distance away I’d bet, but only if you remain positive, you won’t bag anyone with your bottom lip dragging along the floor behind you.
Why, we as humans, have an innate need to make ourselves feel awful is beyond me, but it is there in Technicolor! We must do our very best to suppress the negative and focus on the positive. So this one didn’t work out, so what? Now you get to have fun finding the next, being single isn’t bad, in fact if you do it right it’s bloody good fun.
Remember too, the time we spend in singledom only complements the time we spend in relationships. Enjoy both, do not feel you are less of a person because something didn’t work out, you aren’t. It was just a lesson to be learnt, you made your notes and now move on.
NEXT!
It is all too easy to stew over situations like this and depending on your personality, and often sex, you will no doubt go in two different directions; 1 - Feel an urge to trawl through every up and down of the last few weeks/months or 2 - Get really pissed, flirt with someone else and move directly past GO, collect £200 and wang it on something completely inappropriate. I am an utter and fully fledged fan of option two.
In years gone by when I was younger, stupid and self deprecating I’d spend ages wondering what went wrong, the “why me? what’s wrong with me?” questions would fire through my brain cells and torment me, usually when I was trying to sleep, until I became utterly insane. Then one day, after a particularly sticky break up with an ex, I stamped my foot, thought “*&^% this” and went out. The night consisted of vodka, cosmopolitans, my mates, loads of laughs and a particularly hot guy I knew. I can safely say this equation totted up to be the best remedy I could hope for!
Of course not everyone has the nonchalant attitude I have spent years perfecting so I am not telling you to dramatically change your ways, what I am saying is to try to put your best foot forward and get on with living your life.
Driving yourself potty with questions such as “why aren’t they texting me?”, “why did they say that?”, “what did I do wrong?” “am I not attractive enough?” STTTOOPPPP!!! Don’t do it to yourself! You will probably never know the truth as to why it hasn’t worked out with someone so there is zero point torturing yourself for hours with questions you just can’t get answers to!
Back to what I do; firstly I begin with “their loss”, this is a great thing to say to yourself. You know you’re great, say it. You’ve got a great arse/legs/eyes/personality, whatever you love about you, say it to yourself. Then begin with the points you didn’t like about them, the reasons you actually know why you weren’t a great match, repeat to yourself several times. Do not pontificate about the things they were amazing at, it is completely useless and often we have a habit after a break up of longing for someone and turning them into someone they never were, a martyr and ourselves into a lowly non-worthy trog.
The next step is to enjoy life. Organise nights out with your friends, get in touch with that person you know has a soft spot for you, pamper yourself, have a laugh and most importantly do not look back! Your new love interest is only a short distance away I’d bet, but only if you remain positive, you won’t bag anyone with your bottom lip dragging along the floor behind you.
Why, we as humans, have an innate need to make ourselves feel awful is beyond me, but it is there in Technicolor! We must do our very best to suppress the negative and focus on the positive. So this one didn’t work out, so what? Now you get to have fun finding the next, being single isn’t bad, in fact if you do it right it’s bloody good fun.
Remember too, the time we spend in singledom only complements the time we spend in relationships. Enjoy both, do not feel you are less of a person because something didn’t work out, you aren’t. It was just a lesson to be learnt, you made your notes and now move on.
NEXT!
Monday, December 14, 2009
When fate steps in...
The word “fate” is thrown around our society for all situations but never as much as it is when it comes to relationships, but do we really believe in it? And if we do, how come we so often ignore it?
When using the useful tool that is hindsight I see my relationship history littered with examples of “fate” some of which I took notice of, many I brushed under the carpet and later came to regret. If you look back on yours, how many times should you have taken notice of that feeling something just happened for a reason? That it was destined to change the course of your relationship. If you can’t immediately come up with examples you’re not looking properly, so let me divulge some of mine and I bet it helps jog your own memories.
One of the most notable times I think fate stepped in and helped me out was during a holiday with an boyfriend and my parents. This holiday wasn’t actually going to happened but for what might be a divine reason it got pushed ahead and we all set off for the sunshine. Now, let me set the scene; I’d been with this chap for quite some time, my mother thought he was ace and was secretly hoping for marriage, we seemed, on the surface, reasonably happy.
Add in two weeks in a foreign country with your parents and partner, family friends and differing personalities and you will soon be inflicted with many challenging situations. I did have a habit in my younger days of becoming utterly blinded when in a relationship, as several people do, but for whatever reason during our break away my blinkers were slowly removed from my eyes to reveal a massively failing relationship that I had been blissfully unaware of for months.
Obviously upon our return to the UK a break up was inevitable due to swallowing a massive dose of reality coupled with my mother bashing my head against sense and reason a few times whilst we were away and the relationship ended. After the fog and trauma of this lifted I began to realise something, whatever it was, had stepped in and made me smell the roses, that holiday happened for a reason.
I won’t bore you with lengthy details on other ways fate has pressed a stop or start button for me so let me just recap briefly; I’ve been dating someone and not planned to go out on an evening but for an unknown reason I’ve change my mind, gone out, and caught them with someone else. Then there was the time I’d logged onto a site for no particular reason and found my date chatting up other women. Or out of no where felt compelled to call my partner to find they weren’t where they’d said they’d be... I could go on and on.
Before we turn this into a hugely negative situation, look at the positives. If these things had not have happened I would have continued to be unaware that I was in a relationship with a prick and that would be bad. Yes, it’s horrible to find something out you weren’t expecting but in the same hand, wouldn’t you rather know?
Fate works in wonderful ways and does so to help us, not to stick the knife in as it might occasionally feel and let us not forget it can help us find a special someone too.
You’ve gone somewhere you hadn’t planned to, spoken to someone you didn’t intend to, taken a job, joined a group, done whatever that is usually out of your comfort zone but for some reason you can’t explain felt the need to do it and you’ve met someone because of that. Do you believe it’s just utter coincidence or maybe a higher power is pushing you in the right directions?
I don’t like to think my life is already predetermined because that’s just boring and we can of course ignore that little thing telling us to go to that bar or sign up to that site, we can resist all we like but if we just gave fate a chance could our love lives turn into an exciting adventure rather than a monotonous hum drum?
Honestly, I believe there is a thing none of us can understand that guides us to our destiny, the bad relationships happen to teach us to appreciate the good ones. The mistakes we make help us become stronger and more balanced. The frogs we have to kiss ensure we know once we pucker up for our Prince. Everything in life is part of a rich tapestry, one we should appreciate for all its colours, the dark and the light.
Most importantly, don’t ignore your instincts, don’t run away from fate just because you think it might be nonsense. What are you afraid of? Life is too short to not tune into the chances that come your way.
Let fate step in.
When using the useful tool that is hindsight I see my relationship history littered with examples of “fate” some of which I took notice of, many I brushed under the carpet and later came to regret. If you look back on yours, how many times should you have taken notice of that feeling something just happened for a reason? That it was destined to change the course of your relationship. If you can’t immediately come up with examples you’re not looking properly, so let me divulge some of mine and I bet it helps jog your own memories.
One of the most notable times I think fate stepped in and helped me out was during a holiday with an boyfriend and my parents. This holiday wasn’t actually going to happened but for what might be a divine reason it got pushed ahead and we all set off for the sunshine. Now, let me set the scene; I’d been with this chap for quite some time, my mother thought he was ace and was secretly hoping for marriage, we seemed, on the surface, reasonably happy.
Add in two weeks in a foreign country with your parents and partner, family friends and differing personalities and you will soon be inflicted with many challenging situations. I did have a habit in my younger days of becoming utterly blinded when in a relationship, as several people do, but for whatever reason during our break away my blinkers were slowly removed from my eyes to reveal a massively failing relationship that I had been blissfully unaware of for months.
Obviously upon our return to the UK a break up was inevitable due to swallowing a massive dose of reality coupled with my mother bashing my head against sense and reason a few times whilst we were away and the relationship ended. After the fog and trauma of this lifted I began to realise something, whatever it was, had stepped in and made me smell the roses, that holiday happened for a reason.
I won’t bore you with lengthy details on other ways fate has pressed a stop or start button for me so let me just recap briefly; I’ve been dating someone and not planned to go out on an evening but for an unknown reason I’ve change my mind, gone out, and caught them with someone else. Then there was the time I’d logged onto a site for no particular reason and found my date chatting up other women. Or out of no where felt compelled to call my partner to find they weren’t where they’d said they’d be... I could go on and on.
Before we turn this into a hugely negative situation, look at the positives. If these things had not have happened I would have continued to be unaware that I was in a relationship with a prick and that would be bad. Yes, it’s horrible to find something out you weren’t expecting but in the same hand, wouldn’t you rather know?
Fate works in wonderful ways and does so to help us, not to stick the knife in as it might occasionally feel and let us not forget it can help us find a special someone too.
You’ve gone somewhere you hadn’t planned to, spoken to someone you didn’t intend to, taken a job, joined a group, done whatever that is usually out of your comfort zone but for some reason you can’t explain felt the need to do it and you’ve met someone because of that. Do you believe it’s just utter coincidence or maybe a higher power is pushing you in the right directions?
I don’t like to think my life is already predetermined because that’s just boring and we can of course ignore that little thing telling us to go to that bar or sign up to that site, we can resist all we like but if we just gave fate a chance could our love lives turn into an exciting adventure rather than a monotonous hum drum?
Honestly, I believe there is a thing none of us can understand that guides us to our destiny, the bad relationships happen to teach us to appreciate the good ones. The mistakes we make help us become stronger and more balanced. The frogs we have to kiss ensure we know once we pucker up for our Prince. Everything in life is part of a rich tapestry, one we should appreciate for all its colours, the dark and the light.
Most importantly, don’t ignore your instincts, don’t run away from fate just because you think it might be nonsense. What are you afraid of? Life is too short to not tune into the chances that come your way.
Let fate step in.
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